Changing Perspectives

"If you haven't had a major change of mind in the last five years, you haven't experienced growth."  A friend of mine posted something to that effect as her Facebook status about 2 years ago.  It has been nagging at me ever since.

I could not wrap my head around this.  Why would one HAVE to have a major shift in thinking to grow?  Are we all "wrong" about something if others don't agree?  Guess what?  We are all wrong, all the time, about everything, if that is true.  I initially took this as a challenge, or affront, to my currently held beliefs of all that is fodder for the never-ending news cycle: guns, religion, politics.

What I have concluded though, are that "Major Changes" in thinking, don't have to be major at all, or sudden, or even particularly noticeable at a given time.  I realized that I have had a seismic shift in how I think of parenting, expectations for my children, and education.  As a back story, let me explain that I am a "follow the rules, toe the line, listen to authority" kind of girl.  I become anxious, angry, and nauseous at the mere thought of breaking any kind of rule or social norm.  I am learning, as Brene' Brown says, to lean into the discomfort.

I have decided now that it is more important for my children to be who they are rather than what anyone else wants them to be. I do still hold the expectation for them to have at least a B average (I know myself enough to know I can't let it go completely) - if they are not struggling or working on learning new concepts. But grades are just one tiny measure of the potential of what someone can contribute to the world.  Put my son in a programming class, and watch out - he will be immersed.  Give my daughter anything artistically creative and she will wow you with her concentration.  I am dismissing from my mind that they must attend college to get ahead in the world.  Both of my children are very bright, but the best part is they see the world with a creative and humorous lens  - and I love that.

I am taking a page from Celebrate Calm and letting go of my own anxiety when my children do not do as I or society expects.  I am listening to some of John Bradshaw and Brene' Brown's ideas about shame and parenting.  I am working to internalize the messages and insight I received from Brene' Brown's books,  and from Gretchen Rubin's happiness project and both of her books on the same subject.  These stories, instructions and insights have allowed me to see past everyone else's highlight reel and realize that we all struggle with making decisions regarding our families, friends, personal achievements and external image.

When my children were very young, I was under a lot of stress.  Many mothers are, and while my experience might not be very different from others, it was MY experience colored by my perspectives, expectations and conditioning.  If you had asked me during that stressful time how I was doing I would have told you, "Great", "Fine" or maybe even "Army Strong".  I would have been incredibly angry if anyone had told me I needed to seek therapy, take medication or stop yelling so much.  I probably needed to do all those things, but I was not in a place where I could hear it.  I was so worried - consciously and subconsciously - about what other people would think, that I could not allow my children to just be. I would become so frustrated when they would not conform social norms.  I am not proud of my bullying of those sweet little children, but I am working on accepting that I gave them my best at the time, but it really was not good at all, and I can give them better today.

So many thoughts, so little focus

Well, at first this post was inspired by gorgeous business cards I saw on Pinterest:

 

Source: frenchsampleroom.com via Erin on Pinterest

Aren't they gorgeous?  And so clever for a custom rug manufacturer.  I love beautiful, simple, clever design.  I can't create it, but I appreciate and recoginze the hell out of it!

So then, that lead me to French Paper Sample Room and display of beautiful work that has been done using their paper (don't even get me started on the sheer number and types of white paper there are!!)

And this weekend I discovered the most beautiful handbags and accessories, with quality work and beautiful lining fabrics.  I mean seriously, I am not a purse kind of girl, but these are bags you will have your whole life.  And the founding concept?  True to my heart and life - military spouses working to create quality products, made in America by military spouses.  Be still my heart!  Check them out here, R.Riveter and take a look at this lovely piece:

 

Now, I am off to collect more fabulous images that make me smile and bring happy tears to my eyes!

Hello??

Obviously, I have been away for a while.  I am not exactly sure why.  Nothing interesting to say? Too much to say?  Not sure.  I have so many ideas they are clogging up the stream and making it difficult to execute.  One thing I have decided is that I will participate (and FINISH) National Novel Writing Month this year. 

Every year, in the month of November, writers and would-be writers pledge to write a novel in a month. December is the editing month.  The point is to write, write, write and get something on the page.  Don't worry about grammar, don't worry about plot holes, just get the damn thing out.  Don't tell, show.  I have started this project on two other occasions, but have never completed the task.  I vow to make it this time.  I do want to finally get this little boutique publishing biz off the ground already, plus I need to accomplish something from my list of life to dos. 

Have you tried out NaNoWriMo?  How did it go?  Any advice?

Thinking and reading

I've been spending a lot of time thinking and reading. After discovering Brene' Brown and her work, I have been consuming her books.  I also have been going back to Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.  I have pre-ordered both of their new works, and will have one this week and one next week. 

I've been reflecting on what it is that I enjoy and how I can translate that to everyday life.  I wonder about my need to feel needed, how much energy I get from helping others to succeed.  I realized that rather than rich or famous, I want to be inspiring.  Although, rich wouldn't be bad either.

Figuring out how things come together and take shape is interesting to me.  I know for me, I mull stuff over for a while, sometimes crunching away in the back of my mind until something falls into place, like those puzzle games.  I am interested in other people's lives and the many lives they have lived.  I myself have really only life right now, but I know others that have transformed themselves, some several times or in drastic ways and I wonder how they had the knowledge and courage. 

I am grinding this in my mind, trying to find a way to pull it all together in a cohesive way to make something interesting, inspiring and intelligent. 

So many "I" statements in this post, but it is where things are at the moment.  Working on the inner to get to the best outer self. 

Just trying to apply this mantra to my everyday life:

Stumbling to a Better Life

While using StumbleUpon, I found this interesting site called High Existence.  It has links to different blog posts, discussion boards, etc.  I admit, some don't really appeal to me, but then some just reach up and grab me.

This post on 8 TEDtalks That Could Change Your Life Forever, was not an oversell. I love these 20 minute glimpses into the worlds of science, technology, human condition, and all the rest.  They are just enough to peak  pique my interest and send me searching for more.  Dr. Brene' Brown's talk (#2 on the list above) did just that.




I have been in a state lately, reading Dr. Brene' Brown's work.  She is a researcher storyteller and she studies what I would call the human condition.  She is/was a social worker and has done interesting work delving into shame and vulnerability and how that translates into our lives - for better or for worse. 

It has been eye opening to begin to identify the way these conditions affect lives and how releasing them allows us to move through them.  I won't pretend to have the ability to distill her life's work down into a few lines on my blog, but if any of the above sound interesting to you, please take a few minutes and listen to her talk or check out her website. 

As a parent, wife, member of society and a human being that has to live with myself on a daily basis, I am forever grateful that I have discovered a new perspective and way of looking at myself and the world.

Love this!

I have this board on Pinterest, called "Who would I be if I didn't have to be me".  It has cool funky steampunk clothes and wild hair, etc.  My sister, who is a stylist, is always getting new hair and she posted these pics of herself today. 

I am so jealous!   I love it.  But see, she is a young, hip hair stylist and can pull this look off.  I am a late 30's tax/business adminstration, wife of an Army officer, type on a very proper military post. Don't think it will go so well for me.  But Emily, she can rock it!

Something you love

I know all about what to do when I have something I love:  Make it my work, get up early so I have time, embrace it.  The problem is finding what the hell it is I love!  I see statements like the one below and I am encouraged and discouraged at the same time.  I have participated in activities that have both energized and drained me.  It was hard work, but work that I loved, that I felt made a difference. But then the need ended and other parts of life got in the way - moving, kids, no longer a need.  And that is frustrating.

I also have a short attention span.  I never realized this before, but apparently my son MAY have gotten the AD part of his ADHD from me.  If things get tedious and I can see no end or logic or reason to continue on a path, I am ready to throw in the towel.  Even though something great maybe around the corner.  Then this image haunts me:



So, I guess I will keep looking.  I will work on making positive statements.  I will enjoy each day and try to learn something new.  I will find a goal and work towards it.  I will expand my mind and shrink my negativity.